Have you ever cried in a dream? I just caught myself doing that.
In my dream an old friend sitting next to me in a circle of strangers, all women, said: “She never lets her genius out.” “She’s right!” I said to myself and then I cried.
*All nice and safe. No one needs to know. You’re in a dream, after all.*
And then, I woke up.
“Who’s voice was *that* ?” I asked. “A familiar one.” I answered.
(Have you noticed that when you ask yourself important questions, your Self answers?)
*Say that and they’ll all hate you. Let that thought out and it’s all over. They’ll know you’re different, a radical free thinker. Keep that Genie in the bottle.*
I know that voice. It lives deep inside. It’s a voice brought to life through shame.
*Who does she think she is, some kind of genius? She’s only a kid. Where did she get those ideas? Imagine, students having a voting seat on the PTA! She should be ashamed of herself.*
It’s the voice of The Big Put Down, a voice used regularly on children, especially girl children. Not for every idea, like “Let’s go to the mall.” Just the radical ones, like “Let’s take over the gym for first practice so we won’t have to wait until after the boys work out.” It’s the ideas that make a move to take power that attract that voice. *Make her an example. She’s getting out of hand with her big ideas. Soon she’ll be giving the other girls Big Ideas.*
In fact, if I was to design a society and I wanted to keep a class of people down, I would teach them shame. Then they would keep themselves down.
Shame works. I shut The Genius down every time.
Carlotta
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2 comments:
While I have never cried in a dream, I don't remember too many dreams, I have and do experience the feeling of "just keep your mouth shut, you can think it but don't say it, or they will all think you are crazy or at minimum a know it all." Maybe too pushy. I have not successfully or satisfactory found a way to deal with these thoughts other than putting the energy somewhere else. I am committed to a value system of truth and honesty that this problem seems to compromise. I have come to the conclusion that I can work towards accomplishing with out voicing my thoughts. I am also coming to understand others are and need to work towards bettering this place without me thinking I have to fix everything I see that needs fixing.
Dear Pan,
I know the feeling......My self-silencing came from years of hearing “What a big mouth. She has an answer for everything!” I seemed to always be seen as “too much”. That is, when I was not being seen as “not enough”, as in: “she’s not pretty enough to be a cheerleader”. I never did seem able to “stuff it” into the back of my throat when I was hot with an opinion. Out it came.
You are not alone, we all got the message to stay silent, in one form or another.
No wonder you feel compromised between your values and speaking out to defend them. IMHO we can’t stay healthy keeping all that inside.
We are too marvelous to put up with that “shut up and sit still” stuff.
Remember, women are embedded in a male-dominant world (a patriarchy) We’re trying to overcome it with laws and long conversations with fine individual men, but the system is still designed by and for white males here in the Western World.
It’s no accident. For over 3,000 years, females were designated “less than”, “unclean”, and ”not fit to speak in the temple” by all the foundational religions.
We don’t get over ancient beliefs and traditions like that in a brief 40 years after some legal mandates.
Don’t let custom and criticism own your future. Reclaim your voice and use it, is my take on it. Fix your vocal chords......the others will take care of themselves.
Carlotta
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